ass pants, here i come

Dude. Just had a weigh-in. I've lost 19.4 pounds total. I got a sticker, a keychain and a round of applause. Weight Watchers is a lot like kindergarten like that. But hey, it works. Who am I to criticize?

10 more to go!

new year, old neuroses

Happy belated New Year! I know, I suck. I keep promising to be better about updating this but, well, it just ain't happening. Some good news though: At the end of the month, I'll be rid of the freelance gig that has hobbled me for the past year. I'll miss the money and the fun toys it allowed me to buy -- a new couch, a laptop, a flat-screen TV (purchasing today, as a matter of fact) and a few other do-dads here and there. But my free time is more precious than those things. Although, said free time will be considerably more enjoyable as I watch my stories on a swanky new TV while sprawled out on my comfy couch while checking the Facebook and other frequent Internet destinations on my bitchin' MacBook.

Oh, which totally reminds me of something funny my Mom said over Christmas. As my sisters and cousins discussed the various social networking sites we belong to, my aunt and mother chimed in to show that they were in the know. Sayeth my Ma, "Everyone is on that Spacebook and MyFace these days."

I love my Mom.

In other news, I'm kicking ass and taking names on the Weight Watchers. To date, I've lost 16 pounds. I gained back 1.4 pounds the week after Christmas but I quickly shed it thanks, in part, to Wii Fit. My sister bought it for me for Christmas and I've been religiously body checking and training every day since. And! I've only cursed at it once or twice. Not too shabby.

I've also been really good about cooking more. It doesn't hurt that a kick-ass Trader Joe's opened up a few blocks away from my apartment so I have easy access to affordable, good shit to aid me in my get-healthy task. I stop in a few times a week to get my veggies and the occasional prepared meal. I've been reading labels and measuring out teaspoons and cups of things as opposed to just dumping half a box of pasta into the boiling water. There's something to be said for that whole portion control and planning ahead thing.

I feel great and I look a hell of a lot better. I'm proud of myself. A while back, I took stock of the things I wanted to repair in my life and I've been ticking off the list in a pretty efficient and thorough manner. I got my finances in order and started socking away a healthy amount of money. I'm currently involved in the aforementioned "Operation: Fit into My Ass Pants Once Again," so that's two huge things tackled. Next up in my self-improvement: learn a new skill. In contention: guitar lessons, kickboxing, woodworking, knitting and yoga. I might do all. If not, at least two. We'll see.

The change I'm going through is good stuff. However, some things about me will never change. For example, the fact that I'm a neurotic weirdo. Case in point: I planned to stop at the store on my way home from work yesterday. I pulled together a mental shopping list on the subway. It was a short list -- toilet paper and hand sanitizer. The latter is kept on my desk at work. The former is, well... you know. Anyhoo, upon reviewing the list, it occurred to me that the cashier might think I was going to use those two items immediately and in conjunction. Say, outside in a darkened corner behind the Key Food. I had no intention of copping a squat and then cleaning up with a generous squirt of Purell. But I was concerned that the cashier might think I was. So I deliberately bought another item to preemptively rid her of any notion. That item was a container of Greek yogurt (vanilla).

Make of that what you will.

the incredible shrinking woman (with any luck)

So I've done something I never ever thought I'd have to do... I joined the Weight Watchers. My job offers weekly meetings right in the building plus 50% reimbursement so I'd be silly not to take advantage. It's a shocking development because, growing up, I was always the skinny kid. There was a time when I was too skinny, in fact. While I don't want to return to the gaunt, emaciated look, I am in mourning for my old metabolism and will power.

However, I've decided to stop reminiscing about what once was and get my ass in shape. First order of business was controlling my intake of food and alcohol. Actually, I don't eat an unhealthy amount of food. It's the type of food that's the culprit -- quick and easy and usually some sort of pasta involved. And my love o' the beer is no secret. Behold!

That classy snapshot was taken a few years ago at The Lovely Jess's 30th birthday party. Alas, there will be no more of those shenanigans. I'm allowed 24 points a day, according to Weight Watchers. Ain't no way in hell I'm blowing all of them on Brooklyn Lager. Although, it would be nice...

I went to an orientation on Friday and have been measuring and calculating ever since. Actually, I technically went to my first meeting last Tuesday but it was already week two and I hadn't a clue about the difference between the Core and Flex Plans so I just minded what I ate for three days and then got my jiggly ass to an actual Weight Watchers center so I could officially start counting points. My weight loss so far has fluctuated between 2.5 and 5.5 pounds. Today's scale read the latter number so that's what I'm going with.

It's pretty easy to follow and it makes me mindful of portion control. Even better, I'm not all resentful of being on a diet because I can still eat what I want. I just can't cram as much as I want in my face with nary a second thought. As long as I plan accordingly, I'm good.

My healthy eating kick will get that much easier starting tomorrow because I'll be taking advantage of the aforementioned lovely Jess's fledgling personal chef business. I'm going to be among her first clients. She's got my menu posted on her site. Check it out. More importantly, hire her! She makes yummy food. Her food hasn't made me puke or given me diarrhea not even once.

Jess, if you're reading this (and I know you are), feel free to quote me when you print up literature and/or launch your new website. That's a ringing endorsement if there ever was one, no?