I was tagged by both the lovely
Cheryl B. and the equally-lovely
Zeebahtronic for the "8 Things About Me" meme. Hot.
Actually, throw
Cinemania into the mix as well because he also picked me for this exercise.
I feel so special. Or ganged up on. Not sure which...
Rules:1. We have to post these rules before we give you the facts.
2. Players start with eight random facts/habits about themselves.
3. People who are tagged need to write their own blog about their eight things and post these rules.
4. At the end of your blog, you need to choose eight people to get tagged and list their names.
5. Don't forget to leave them a comment telling them they're tagged, and to read your blog.
And away we go...
1. I do a mean Scottish accent. I simply cannot tell a story involving my very Scottish parents without imitating them. It's a huge draw at parties because I will do it on command. Seriously, last weekend at the Beer Garden,
The Lovely Jess walked up to me and said, "Antiquated phone! Go!" and, on cue, I launched into
this story complete with a Glaswegian accent at the appropriate parts. In truth, Jess requested "Transatlantic Phone Call" but that story is not in my archives. Bummer because it's a good one. I'll write it this week-ish.
1a. I'm The Lovely Jess's trained monkey. I really should start carrying around cymbals and a tin cup to collect change.
2. In college, I interned for Geraldo Rivera. I tend to think he's a tool but, believe it or not, he was quite nice to me. The producers of the show, not so much, but Geraldo himself was pleasant. I like to think it's because I was responsible for making his 6:00PM pot of hazelnut coffee and keeping the office stocked with Snackwells.
I also schooled his clueless production assistant on the finer points of buying beer. See, on my first day, the PA and I went shopping for green room supplies and beer for Geraldo's mini fridge, the same fridge I was later forced to defrost with plastic take-out utensils and a hairdryer borrowed from the makeup room. The upside of that exercise? "Handling freon" is now listed under the Special Skills section of my resume.
So, the PA and I went into a liquor store and she said, "Just buy a six pack because not all of the bottles will fit in the fridge." She then reached for a cold six pack of Sam Adams and I interjected, "Don't buy it cold if you can't keep it refrigerated. It will get skunky."
She had no idea what I was talking about so I explained the ill effects of re-refrigerated beer. At first she looked grateful for the tip and then her expression turned to disapproval. She sniffed, "Well, I don't drink very often!" in a tone that suggested that I, on the other hand, was a big ol' booze hound who made my own brand of hooch in my bathtub. I mean,
I do but really, it isn't her place to judge me. Stupid beaver.
3. Every time I see that
commercial with Erik Estrada promoting Bella Vista real estate on NY1, I'm tempted to sign up for the free property review. Who cares if it's in Arkansas! Free trip! Also, who knew Ponch was such an effective pitch man?
4. I've said this before but I cannot stress this enough: I have an irrational fear of mayonnaise. I cannot abide the stuff. When that commercial for squeezable mayo comes on television, I mash my eyes shut and plug my ears and go "LA LA LA LA LA!" I can't handle it.
In college, I briefly worked at a
Stewart's drive-in. If someone requested mayo on their burger, I'd bring the production line to a halt and make someone else come over to my station to apply it. Or I'd throw the mayo packets in the bag and make them do it themselves. Minimum wage was not nearly enough to make me handle that toxic waste.
5. I'm petrified of thunder, a fear I no doubt inherited from my mother. During bad storms, she'd bust out the holy water and make us bless ourselves. In retrospect, didn't the application of water make us that much more susceptible to lightning strikes? At least our burns would be in the shape of a cross, I guess...
6. When I was in college, I spent three summers in a row working as a janitor, er, sorry... custodial engineer. My mother got me the job. Every morning, I had to report to the head custodian of a middle school and help the staff scrape gum off the desks and clean the classrooms.
Clearly, my mother hated me.
The classrooms were hot and stuffy and the janitors smoked like chimneys and cursed like sailors. There was a female custodian on staff named Carol who was a dead ringer for Carla from
Cheers, right down to the tight curls, loud wardrobe and salty 'tude. She also insisted on singing along at top volume to every song that came on
CBS FM.
Thanks to Carol, I will forever associate the sound of doo-wop with the smell of Fantastik and Merit cigarettes.
7. I am the winner of several dubious art awards. In high school, one of my black-and-white photographs was honored in a display right outside the racy Love Clothes, Ltd. store at the Mill Creek Mall in Secaucus, NJ. Jealous?!
The other award was Honorable Mention for a poster I illustrated in fifth grade touting the benefits of good posture. I even got a certificate from a panel of chiropractors. Again, jealous?
8. Despite my many proclamations that I'm The Worst Lesbian Ever™, I'm really good at softball. Like, I hit home runs, make double plays and still slide into bases and stuff.
8a. I keep Mineral Ice in my medicine cabinet at all times.
I hereby tag the following:
::
The Lovely Jess::
JC::
Meg::
Eric::
Rusty::
Post No Bills::
Tina-cious::
House of JeroIf you do it, cool. If not, no pressure. I'll just silently hate on you. That is all.
Labels: bloggers, memes
P.S. The title of this post is not an error. It randomly popped into my head, as stray bits of pop culture and quotes often do. I think this was from Bill Cosby routine? I'll have to consult the Google. Ask me what I ate for breakfast yesterday and I'm stumped. Ask me about a minute detail from a John Hughes movie and my memory is shockingly accurate and thorough. It's a gift, really.
