shameless plug!

Once again, I'll be channeling my inner bitchy mofo over at American Midol. The season premiere is Tuesday, January 11 so be sure to stop by Midol and revel in our grousing and shallow judgment. It will be such a time, y'all! We're even going to be on that there Twitter thing that all the kids seem to enjoy.

Check us out.

resurrection... sort of

Hello! This is just a wee drive-by to check in and shamelessly solicit comments about how much you've all missed me. Go on. Comment, dammit.

So, how have ya been? I'm good but still ridiculously swamped with work and life in general. However, I do I find myself emerging from the cold, dark winter. In fact, I'm feeling downright antsy in anticipation of the warmer weather. I want go to out and do new things and resurrect some of my old hobbies and interests.

Speaking of which, American Midol, my other blog, is still going strong. For those of you in the deep throes of Curly withdrawal (oh, but it's a painful affliction, isn't it?), I invite you to share in some of my sass over at the cheeky tribute to American Idol, co-authored by The Lovely Jess, Not-So-Sweet (but in a good way) Melissa and the deliciously cantankerous Mejack.

You know you watch it. You know you even vote. Embrace your addiction. We do.

Let's see, what else? Oh, congrats to the wonderful Dorothy Snarker of Dorothy Surrenders. She's the winner the 2007 Lesbian Lifestyle Blog of the Year Award. Congrats also to my peeps, Sinclair Sexsmith, Lori Hahn and Riese for their well-deserved nominations.

Things with Glamour Puss are still humming along. She's super cool. She's so cool, in fact, that I'm going to give her The Kick-Ass K-mart Bike. I'm in the market for something a bit lighter (for storage purposes, see) and GP was totally robbed of her bike a few years back. So, she inherits my phat ride, I get a hot new set of wheels and the two of us ride around together, further cementing our status as a nauseatingly-sweet couple. We're so gross. It's awesome.

Speaking of storage, oh my God, you guys, I am just about done with Operation Tiny Wee Studio Overhaul! I have a couple of more small things to get and some paint touch-ups to do but the majority of the work is done. My apartment is still ridiculously small and I still have my adult bunk bed but everything else has been shuffled around or replaced entirely making it seem like a whole new apartment. There's fresh paint on the walls, a new area rug, ottomans, curtains and all that other stuff that I never ever thought I'd be excited about. It's shocking how much time I spent comparing curtain panels. Shocking, I tell you!

Lastly, Happy St. Patrick's Day to my fellow Irish and those of you who like to pretend to be on this day. For your reading pleasure, here's something from the archives:

:: Erin Go A-Cup Bragh

Talk to you soon,
Curly

jingle bells and crap

Hoo lawdy, it's been a long time since I posted. Sorry about that. Work has been utterly crazy lately. On the upside, I received a bonus for all my hard work. I'm also on vacation this week. I finally managed to get caught up on sleep and put a dent in my Christmas shopping. I still have a fair amount to do but the bulk of it is taken care of.

Let's see... what else? Oh, I went to a Christmas party at my younger sister's place and ended up hurling in the Path station afterwards. A sure sign that a good time was had. You know, up until the puking. But damn, I felt better afterwards.

On a more serious note, Best Friend Since Kindergarten is going through the emotional wringer right now. A good portion of my time has been spent fielding her phone calls and text messages to help her through a rough time. I can't and won't get into the specifics because it's her story to tell, not mine, but, while it's no burden whatsoever to support a friend, it's really taking an emotional toll. I simply cannot stop thinking about her.

It's sometimes hard to find the right words so I just listen without prejudice and try my best to give her helpful, honest encouragement and support. One of the bits of advice I gave her is to do what I did here -- write it out. She doesn't have a blog nor do I expect her to start one but she seemed open to the idea of sitting down and writing down her story. Here's hoping her experience is as helpful and therapeutic as mine.

In other news, my other blog, American Midol, is up and running again in anticipation of the new season (starts January 15). Other than updating the season premiere graphic, I haven't done a damn thing over there. All credit goes to my talented co-bloggers. Speaking of which, Melissa McGee, a frequent commenter here has joined our ranks over at Midol and we are beyond elated. She's a clever broad, that Melissa McGee.

Okay, I need to split but I do promise to write again before Christmas. Here are some holiday-themed posts to hold you over until then:

:: They Do Know... They Just Don't Care

:: The Alan Alda Sensitivity Project: Holiday Edition

:: 10 Things I Can Be Sure of over the Holidays

:: Season Greetings from Curly and The Hoff

:: Kipper

i'm so not going to hollywood, dawg

Last night I dreamt I auditioned for American Idol.

I don't know. Just bear with me.

So there I was sitting in a big ass holding room along with all the other hopefuls at some hotel. I can't say for sure but it might have been the La Quinta in Secaucus, New Jersey. But don't quote me on that.

Then, suddenly, I was whisked into a smaller room where I was told by a production person that I was going on in a few minutes.

There were about four people ahead of me waiting to perform, Kenny Rogers and Paula Abdul among them. Like, Paula actually had to audition to be a judge and stuff. FYI, she and Kenny both got cut and Kenny looked positively devastated. I don't remember what happened to Paula. I was too transfixed by Kenny's sad face.

As I sat waiting for my turn, I tried to figure out what song I would sing... 'cause I'm well-prepared like that. I considered singing "Happy Birthday" because, apparently, my subconscious thought that timeless tune would really wow the judges. I suppose I would have had a big finish with an elongated and dramatic "to yoooooooooooooooooooouUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!" at the end.

Other options I considered: "If You're Happy and You Know It, Clap Your Hands" and that song that goes "Down down baby, down by the roller coaster."

Because I'm five.

Anyhoo, I was led into the room and there sat Randy and Simon Cowell... right next to the hotel reception desk. I voiced my concern about having to sing over the din of people checking in and out but I was ignored. And then I asked where I should stand because there was no "X" on the floor marking the spot. Simon got all sorts of bitchy with me and threatened to throw me out and then he made me stand in an area where there were a ton of hanging plants which were swinging back and forth in a most precarious fashion. Naturally, I totally whacked my head on a terra cotta planter. That shit hurt. He was a real dick about things, that Simon.

And then it was time to get down to business. Randy asked if I was ready and I responded in the affirmative and let fly with a deep-yet-nasally version of "Somewhere Over the Rainbow." I don't remember making that decision to change up the song but in retrospect, that was quite the daring impromptu move. Go me.

Granted, I mangled the words at times but neither Randy nor Simon cut me off so I really started getting into it. I actually believed that I was quite possibly going to Hollywood.

I finished up my number and waited to hear my fate. I don't remember what Randy said because, well, he's Randy and I never pay attention to him. But I'm sure he used the terms "pitchy" and "dawg." Just a hunch.

And then Simon said, "I quite liked your lower register but no. Sorry." And then he put his arm around me and walked me to the door. That was nice of Simon, I guess.

What does it all mean? I have no idea. However, my voice today is a bit hoarse and ragged which leads me to believe that I actually sang a deep-yet-nasally version of "Somewhere Over the Rainbow" in my sleep.

Thank God I don't have a roommate.

on yugoslavian resistance groups and barry gibb's dentures, among other things

I have now reached Day 6 of The Funk That Won't Leave. The strangling 3AM coughing fits are holding steady and as such, I continue to become reacquainted with the early seasons of 80s sitcoms on Nick at Nite.

The real bummer about this cold is that I don't have my usual accompanying sexy sick voice. I usually get this hot raspy thing going on but I sound more like Fran Drescher than Janis Joplin this time around. It's sad, really.

I've also been having some really funky dreams. I passed out during the day yesterday and boy, did my subsconscious have a time of it. I dreamt that I was part of some armed resistance group in the former Yugoslavia. And the dude from The Full Monty was there. Alas, he wasn't naked nor did he dance around to "I Believe in Miracles." Bummer.

Last night I dreamt that I went on an interview at HBO (not where I work/will be working, FYI) and I was taken into a room where I was grilled by a panel of lame question-asking corporate suits. I could see them deriving pleasure as I squirmed and floundered while trying to tackle their poorly-worded queries.

It was one of those dreams that felt like it was endless. It was so frustrating. I understand why I had the dream though -- I've been approached about a new position and part of me is concerned that my job will be nebulous and ill-defined. The Yugoslavian rebel strike force dream, however, well, that's just baffling.

I'm a little down in the mouth but once I rid myself of the evil that's been plaguing my body, I'll be back into the swing of things. However, I have been able to amuse myself lately by making fun of Barry Gibb's dentures. It's a really effective treatment. Try it sometime.

where i've been...

I realize I've been neglecting my blog lately. I don't mean to, really, but my head's in the clouds a bit this week. I think my reasons are fairly legit though. I have been:

1) Fawning over this wee 'un

2) Working my tail off at work on a couple of projects that I don't hate

3) Watching my figure, somewhat successfully I might add

4) Blogging on American Midol like the wind (although not so much this week. My blogging effort was less wind-like and more of a stale, lifeless breeze.)

5) Inserting the term "panda semen" into famous movie quotes and exchanging them over IM with my good friend, The Ubik. He won with "Nobody puts panda semen in the corner." Although, I was quite proud of my Witness quote: "Lady, if you don't get that panda semen out of my face, I'm going to rip off your brassiere and strangle you with it."

Um, I guess you had to be there...

My blog sucks lately but my spring, so far, decidedly does not. I promise to get back into the swing of things soon. In the meantime, here's a holiday-themed rerun for you Good Friday-observing Catholics in the house... All two of you.

Happy Easter!

baba-booey! baba-booey!

We don't have full confirmation yet but it would appear that American Midol, the other blog I lovingly co-author with Mejack and The Lovely Jess, was mentioned on The Howard Stern Show (NSFW) this week. We don't know if the mention was good or bad but whatever, our traffic is on the rise and as unapologetic traffic whores, we're just giddy about this development. Love Howard or hate Howard, that's hot!

For the record, I don't hate Howard at all. In fact, I dig him and I listened to his show often, particularly in college. Among other things, Howard set me straight about the true meaning of the term dingleberry and for that, I'm grateful. Aren't we all?

Did you know that one of my first crushes as a wee girl was on one of his former interns? Except, at the time, he (and yes, it was a boy!) wasn't yet an intern because we were both, like, seven, and were too busy playing Marco Polo and manhunt at a summer resort in the Catskills. It wasn't until years later that I discovered that my crush and the intern were one and the same.

Oh and because I seem to be cosmically connected to people affiliated with Howard, I once had a phone conversation with Kenneth Keith Kallenbach. He's the dude who unsuccessfully tried to blow smoke out of his eyes and the only thing he ended up blowing was chunks, as I recall.

See, I used to work at a magazine which catered to aspiring actors and actresses. As such, my phone rang off the hook with calls from people looking to break into the biz. I also had to speak with countless talent agents and casting directors which, in case you're wondering, is an ordeal far more painful than any of the gruesome torture tactics I've ever seen depicted on 24. Also, some weird old agent told me that my voice sounded "remarkably like Helen Gurley Brown's." To which I responded, "Um? Thank you?"

God, I hated that job.

Anyhoo, one day the phone rang and a very distinct voice was on the other end. He was asking me questions about landing an agent or some crap like that. I couldn't really focus on what he was actually saying because I began immediately trying to place the familiar voice. And then in mid-sentence (his), I blurted out excitedly, "Are you Kenneth Keith Kallenbach?!?!" And he was all, "Whooooooa! You knoooooooow me?" I do believe my voice recognition made his day. I don't normally engage in "guess the voice" games like that but, like I said, his voice is very distinct. It sounds sort of like Jeff Spicoli's, if Jeff Spicoli was from Philadelphia.

If any of you out there have Sirius satellite radio and can confirm the Howard mention and/or provide some more details, please email us. Our self-absorbed asses would appreciate it!

filler

I suppose you've been wondering where I've been, huh? What do you mean no, you haven't?! That's cold. I'm hurt.

Nah, I'm just fucking with you. It would seem that I have scheduled my free time within an inch of its life. It's not easy being popular, you see. Oh, who am I kidding? Some of the whirlwind comes courtesy of acting class and getting poked and prodded by my allergist. My social calendar ain't all that impressive.

One big time gobbler is my other blog. Did you know I had one? Oh, but I do! I, along with The Lovely Jess and Mejack, have been spending a lot of time updating American Midol, our cranky take on the highly-popular reality show.

Shut up.

We've been working hard posting mad-cap recaps and oh-so-important American Idol news briefs as well as speculating about the sanity level of one Ms. Paula Abdul. We have charts and everything! It's all fancy schmancy and scientific and shit. Go see for yourself.

I've also been getting caught up on my Netflix stash. Its neglect has been a source of guilt for the past month or so.

I'm currently watching every season of The Young Ones, the cult British comedy from the early 80s. It's not nearly as funny as I remember it being in 1987 when I was, you know, 14, but I am still absolutely in love with Neil, the suicidal hippy. My adoration has not waned in the least. And as an unashamed fan of Brit Pop, I am also loving the musical guests: Madness, Dexys Midnight Runners and Motörhead, among them.

I vaguely remember Nigel Planer, the dude who played Neil, appearing in character in the "making of" video for Band Aid's "Do They Know It's Christmas?" As I recall, Phil Collins was quite freaked out by him. For what it's worth, I'm quite freaked out by Phil Collins and his movie soundtrack ubiquity, among other things.

Does anyone else remember him in that video? Or am I making shit up again? It's entirely possible that I am. And speaking of Band Aid, here are some more of my thoughts on that charitable endeavor, if you're interested. It's totally out of season but quite cheeky, I assure you.

Lastly, I'll be attending Blarg Hop 2007 with some of the hottest NYC bloggers this coming Saturday. I totally wimped out last year because of a wee bit of snow but I've already got my game face on for this year's drunken debauchery. See ya on Saturday, boys... and Helen!

fashionistas

Okay, so in answer to your burning question about how the hell the likes of me was out hobnobbing with the legendary Debbie Harry, the answer is duh, I'm simply fabulous and it's high time the rich and famous started noticing. Obviously!

Actually, because of the awesomeness of the Ursine Calamity, I got my grubby mitts on a pass to the Marc Jacobs fashion show last night along with The Lovely Jess and AZ.

Jess was kind enough to recap our amazing evening over on American Midol, complete with pictures I took of lots of cool celebrities. Look how close I was to Magenta, er, I mean, Joss Stone!

My recap is coming later. In the meantime, read all about it here.

as cranky as we wanna be

Can you smell it? Take a good whiff. Yes, folks, it's the stench of desperation and shameless pleas for attention mixed with the distinct aroma of a booze-and-pharmaceutical drug cocktail emanating from one Miss Paula Abdul.

Or the stank could be wafting over from that pile of laundry in the corner I keep ignoring...

Whatever it is, it's getting closer, my friends. Closer! In just three days, the brand new season of American Idol begins! And just like last year, I, along with The Lovely Jess and Mejack, will be bringing you the latest catty commentary and breaking news with a snarky slant each and every day on our beloved bitchfest, American Midol.

And, if that's not enough incentive to click on over, I'm pleased as spiked punch to announce that our good friend Sheila has joined our snotty ranks. It's going to be sick, I tell you, SICK.

We've already been posting daily news briefs and other bits and pieces. Once the show gets into full swing, you can expect more news, show recaps, predictions, useless, unscientific polls, in-depth analysis of Paula's descent into drug-addled insanity plus lots of impersonations of Randy Jackson's limited vocabulary. A'ight, dawg? You feelin' us?

See what I mean?

A guaranteed good time will be had by all... um, except maybe the contestants we skewer mercilessly. So mosey on over to American Midol right now, comment on it, bookmark it, Blogroll it and/or add it to your RSS feeds. Oops, that reminds me... I need to set that up. The nerdy backend work never ends. Hee hee... I said "backend."

all you need is 'midol'

The American Midol blog finally got its long-awaited makeover. I'm a procrastinator, what can I say?

But the labor of love -- mine, The Lovely Jess and Mejack's -- has much more than dense jpgs and a tweaked style sheet! Check out the American Idol episode recaps, polls, news round-ups and tons more crap to help waste some time.

American Midol promises to scratch the itch for you Idol fans... and further outrage those of you who hate the show and just don't get it. We're multi-purpose like that.

A big thank you to Layne for the promotional buttons (see above and the to your right in the sidebar) and all the upcoming back-end stuff he is most likely going to regret offering to do!

an announcement

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE

Blogger Trio Unveils 'American Idol' Blog

NEW YORK, NY (May 1, 2006) -- Three bloggers today launched a joint venture to feed their shared 'American Idol' obsession. This new blog -- the American Midol Blog -- will be updated at a frenzied pace, and will feature news, gossip and what Jess of Blind Cavefish calls "totally bitchy commentary."

The name American Midol was first thought up by Mejack of Mejack and You're Not.

"I was searching for a term that would really encompass how the show made me feel," Mejack said. "I realized it made me feel like PMS."

Jess and Curly McDimple of Ham and Cheese on Wry immediately proclaimed it as "genius!" and then decided to name the 'American Idol'-themed blog accordingly.

"We want to be a one-stop resource for all things 'American Idol'," Jess explained. "We spend so much time, especially on Wednesday and Thursday morning, firing show-related links at each other over IM. We want to give the 'Idol'-obsessed quick and easy access to a wealth of information."

The bloggers have several plans for the future of the blog. Site enhancements, Photoshop art and images that will probably get them sued are on that list.

"I'm making a seriously bitchin' logo," says Curly McDimple.

The American Midol Blog can be found at http://www.americanmidolblog.com.