As a reward for all of my recent hard work (full-time job, freelance gig, moving) and incentive to whip my ass back into shape, I treated myself to one of them there
Wiis.
Today was payday so I walked over to the big-ass Nintendo store in Rockefeller Center after work and within 10 minutes, I was on the subway heading home with my brand-new console.
This isn't my first experience with the Wii. I played it a few years ago while babysitting the former charges from
my brief nannying career. I went toe-to-toe with an 8-year-old and held my own, which wasn't exactly an easy feat considering a) I didn't know what the hell I was doing with the remote thingies and b) the 8-year-old selected my Mii without any input. While his Mii was a super athletic, strapping specimen of a man, I was saddled with a short, balding, bespectacled dude who was a dead ringer for George Costanza.
Despite the demoralizing assignment, I managed to strike out the 8-year-old's Adonis in baseball and very nearly beat his ass down in boxing. I made that kid work for his victory. Mind you, I was sore for days after but it was a ton of fun and -- bonus! -- good exercise.
I had been longing for a Wii ever since but I held off because of space reasons. My new apartment has far more elbow room than the Tiny Wee Studio so there's no danger of me punching walls or knocking down shelving units during, say, an overly-spirited tennis match. Well, there's a still a danger of that but if it happens, I can't blame a lack of space.
So I finally splurged. Eventually, I'm going to buy the Wii Fit and Guitar Hero but for now, I'm content to play with Wii Sports (similar to Duck Hunt/Super Mario Bros. on old-school Nintendo, Wii Sports is the freebie that comes with the console.)
In truth, I sort of blow at bowling and despite my lesbian pedigree, I can't quite master golf. I have a really nasty slice and always end up in the rough. Oh, the shame!
I did manage to reclaim some points on my gay card with my mastery of baseball though. Granted, there's not a broad on the mound hurling a softball windmill-style nor a stout third-base coach wearing pleated khaki shorts so it's not a true Sapphic experience, but still, close enough.
I'm happy to report that clobbered the ball while at bat and struck quite a few batters out with my sinking fast ball. I was throwing, how you say, heat. Even so, I think my best Wii sport by far is boxing. I made short work of all three opponents I faced. All male, I might add!
One of the guys had a goatee so I took extra joy in pummeling his stupid face. I was really on fire with my winning combination of punches and jabs and I was getting way into it. I may have even talked some trash... to a virtual opponent... while alone in my apartment. Um, why am I telling you all this again?
The only reason I didn't take on a fourth chump and beat his sorry ass into submission was out of concern for my downstairs neighbor. While my sting is bee-like, my float is more akin to a buffalo than a butterfly. That would have made for an awkward apology.
Speaking of which, I predict a lot
more tall tales to explain away all the Wii-related bruising in my future. Suggestions welcome.
Labels: faux exercise, wii
