re: the muppets, addendum
I suppose you thought this story had reached its end several years ago. I sure did.
Several weeks back, she contacted me. When it happened, I was in shock... mostly because she chose to reach out via a Facebook friend request/message. It was a far cry from the awkward subway platform or street run-in I had often envisioned.
Rest assured, I denied the request. It was actually quite liberating to press a button that reads "Ignore." But we've exchanged several emails and it's all good. Our correspondence has been respectful and drama-free.
Recently, she suggested meeting up for a drink. Again, I denied the request. Honestly, I'm just not all that interested. So much time has passed. It was a lifetime ago. I'm a much different person, as is she. What happened between us was the kick in the ass that I needed. My life changed dramatically and that wasn't a bad thing. I've accomplished so much in the last few years and I'm so grateful for that. And I see the change in her too and it's good. There's still the essence of the girl I once knew, naturally, but she sounds older, more mature and really grounded. I'm proud of her.
I like having an open channel but I think maybe that's all I need. It's kind of hard for me, even to do this day, to say something like that because I'm not big on focusing on me and my needs. I tend to put other people first. It's that whole British upbringing thing. But I've learned there's no nobility in that, if beneath the surface, the feelings aren't heartfelt. It's merely a breeding ground for anger and bitterness. I saw some ugly sides of myself after she and I split up. My feelings were natural and legitimate but still, I'm not keen on revisiting that. The likelihood that I would get all upset and agitated now is slim to none but my gut is telling me to just chill for now so I have to respect that. And I will.
My birthday is in a few days. I'll be 35 years old. Eight years ago, I was gouged and depleted and forced into recovery mode. Today, I'm enjoying the benefits of that recovery. Her contacting me was a trial and I passed. I know now, more than ever, that I'm at peace with things and I intend to stay that way. I view this progress as my birthday gift. I know it's an unending process and I have a long way to go and many more obstacles and trying times ahead of me. But I'm so grateful for how far I've come.
Happy Birthday to me.
Several weeks back, she contacted me. When it happened, I was in shock... mostly because she chose to reach out via a Facebook friend request/message. It was a far cry from the awkward subway platform or street run-in I had often envisioned.
Rest assured, I denied the request. It was actually quite liberating to press a button that reads "Ignore." But we've exchanged several emails and it's all good. Our correspondence has been respectful and drama-free.
Recently, she suggested meeting up for a drink. Again, I denied the request. Honestly, I'm just not all that interested. So much time has passed. It was a lifetime ago. I'm a much different person, as is she. What happened between us was the kick in the ass that I needed. My life changed dramatically and that wasn't a bad thing. I've accomplished so much in the last few years and I'm so grateful for that. And I see the change in her too and it's good. There's still the essence of the girl I once knew, naturally, but she sounds older, more mature and really grounded. I'm proud of her.
I like having an open channel but I think maybe that's all I need. It's kind of hard for me, even to do this day, to say something like that because I'm not big on focusing on me and my needs. I tend to put other people first. It's that whole British upbringing thing. But I've learned there's no nobility in that, if beneath the surface, the feelings aren't heartfelt. It's merely a breeding ground for anger and bitterness. I saw some ugly sides of myself after she and I split up. My feelings were natural and legitimate but still, I'm not keen on revisiting that. The likelihood that I would get all upset and agitated now is slim to none but my gut is telling me to just chill for now so I have to respect that. And I will.
My birthday is in a few days. I'll be 35 years old. Eight years ago, I was gouged and depleted and forced into recovery mode. Today, I'm enjoying the benefits of that recovery. Her contacting me was a trial and I passed. I know now, more than ever, that I'm at peace with things and I intend to stay that way. I view this progress as my birthday gift. I know it's an unending process and I have a long way to go and many more obstacles and trying times ahead of me. But I'm so grateful for how far I've come.
Happy Birthday to me.
Labels: re: the muppets
posted by curly mcdimple @ 12:40 PM :: permalink :: ::
