dusting off the soapbox...

While watching post-debate coverage on MSNBC, I saw a commercial that showed a schlubby-looking guy quietly creeping out of the house to escape his sleeping spouse. The tag line was, and I quote directly, "Life is short. Have an affair."

I waited a beat half expecting the Energizer Bunny to whiz by pounding on his drum to signify that the preceding commercial was, in fact, a big ol' joke. Alas, there was no bunny. So I checked out the website and, much to my dismay, I discovered that it's a legit operation. The Ashley Madison Agency proudly positions itself as "The World's Premier Discreet Dating Service" and even offers an "affair guarantee."

I honestly have no problem with people coughing up cash for companionship. If that's what works for you, be my guest. As a veteran of singles mixers, speed dating and online personals, I can't really criticize.

But I would like to know... where's the outrage? Where are the petitions and propositions on the ballots and the yard signs decrying the mockery and destruction of "the sanctity of marriage" at the hands of this service and those like it?

Not that I want outrage and boycotts, mind you. If what goes on in someone else's bedroom is enough to destroy your marriage beyond repair... well then you have much larger problems, d-bag. I suggest you get your nose out of everyone else's business and start focusing on the shit show that is your own sad, small life.

To be fair, I didn't thoroughly research The Ashley Madison Agency before posting this and for all I know, the company could have been targeted for boycotts and the like. And if they were, I don't support that. They're entitled to do business and turn a profit. But it does chap my ass that an environment exists where they can boldly encourage people to screw around and potentially piss away something that I, and people like me, can't so easily take for granted.

I don't have actual research and statistics to back me up on this but I think it would be safe to assume that more marriages are ruined as the result of an affair rather than, say, the unproven negative effects of committed gay couples living in close proximity to straight people. However, if you have scientific proof that my people emit some sort of toxic fog that snuffs out nearby heterosexual unions, by all means, do bring this research to my attention.

If you haven't already, please consider donating to the No on Prop 8 campaign.

Thank you.