inventory

I have sustained the following injuries in the past week:

:: Ridiculously large and ugly bruise on my left arm
:: Somewhat smaller but still ugly bruise on my right ankle
:: Coin-sized and, yes, mad ugly bruise on my right calf
:: Nasty scratch on my right index finger

In other words, I look busted.

I wish I could say there's some exciting explanation for my unsightly contusions and cuts. In truth, I suffered all while assembling crap from IKEA and Target. Medium density fiberboard is some treacherous shit, yo. Don't let anyone tell you any different.

However, if anyone asks, I have a better answer ready: Rough sex.

I may or may not add something about a gang fight complete with tales of heavy chains and box cutters. The jury's still out though. Either way, please play along.

Thank you.