with one look

On Saturday I enjoyed an overdue and much-needed day to myself. With the exception of a quick trip to the deli next door for the newspaper and some half-and-half, I didn't leave the toasty confines of my Tiny Wee Studio the entire rest of the day.

The day was thoroughly enjoyable... save for a dream I had during my mid-day nap involving me, the Idols Live! tour and forgotten song lyrics.

I have no idea. All I know is that I woke up in a panic trying to remember all the words to Cheap Trick's "Surrender" and that's just so bizarre because that's the last song I would sing under those circumstances. It's fine for karaoke, maybe, but not on a national tour, duh. In case you're wondering what I would sing, I'm going to go with "Blowin' Sky High" by Berlin for now, with the understanding and option that I can change my mind later.

But getting back to Saturday... I did a few chores but spent the rest of the day watching movies and getting caught up on my shows. If you're not watching HBO's Extras, you really need to be. That show makes me cackle. Not chuckle, not giggle... CACKLE. I won't elaborate further on that because Sheila addressed this very topic last week and I cannot possibly expand on her insightful take. All I can say is, "Ditto."

I also watched several movies: Mallrats, Summer of Sam and Layer Cake. The latter is well-spun yarn starring Daniel Craig as a drug dealer saddled with two complex tasks before he can retire from the business. The movie is violent and extremely graphic in its depiction of the gritty drug scene. Despite the blood and gore, I didn't find it nearly as disturbing at the former two films in my mini festival.

Mallrats? Disturbing? How come, you ask? Obvious Shannen Doherty references aside, there's some freaky shit in that film. For example, Priscilla Barnes, Terri from the later seasons of Three's Company, has a small role as a psychic in a dirt mall. A topless psychic, to be exact. Yes, she's an attractive woman but I just found it strange to see Terri Alden's boobies... with a third nip, no less!

While watching that scene, I made a mental note to Google "Priscilla Barnes" and "third nipple" to see if it was a genuine deformity and then, in answer to my question, there she was on the screen peeling off the nip and eating it (I can't believe I just typed that) so there was no Googling to be had. Gagging and eye rubbing, yes, but no Googling.

Later that day I watched Summer of Sam, Spike Lee's film about serial killer David Berkowitz's terrifying grip on New York City in the summer of 1977. John Leguizamo was good in the lead role. I'll watch him in anything. I saw his one-man-show Freak on Broadway a few years ago and he just blew me away. I wish I had an ounce of his energy. Actually, I'm sure I could inhale some of that "energy" up my nose quite easily, come to think of it...

The movie was decent and the cast was impressive -- Mira Sorvino, Anthony LaPaglia, Michael Imperioli, Adrien Brody, Ben Gazzara, Bebe Neuwirth and Patti LuPone, just to name a few. I didn't adore the film but it adequately entertained me for a few hours.

So there I was sprawled out on my couch, watching the movie and minding my own bees wax when, wait, what's this? Patti LuPone's bare boobs! Patti LuPone's bare boobs! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! Yet another set of knockers I really did not need or want to see. Hello, Buenos Aires?!?! She's Evita! And Corky's mother, for fuck's sake! Wrong. Wrong. Wrong. This is more disturbing than the time I thought Betty Buckley suffered from a parched vag. That was a false alarm, thank God. Patti's boobs, however, are forever burned into my brain and I'm not sure I'll ever be the same.

Ob-la-di, Ob-la-da...