on new math and creepy-ass commercials
Because of the inclement weather, today's plans to scorch my skin alongside The Lovely Jess at Brighton Beach had to be scrapped.
So, did I take advantage of the indoor time to clean my apartment, shred some junk mail or tackle the towering pile of laundry bursting out of my hamper? Fuck no. I'm in the midst of full-blown lazy Saturday.
It's almost 6:30pm and I'm still in my Curious George capri-length pajama bottoms and a t-shirt. I am the picture of sloth. I've been lounging on my couch watching TV all day with no regrets whatsoever. In fact, I just watched Ice Princess. And I'm not the least bit ashamed. Well, I am a little bit. However, I adhere to the following formula:
The only downside of prolonged TV viewing? I keep seeing that fucking commercial with the guy who has throat cancer and has a hole in his windpipe and talks through one of those... uh... what's the technical name for it? I only know the awful slang term for it: cancer kazoo. Terrible, I know. What's the right word for it? Please enlighten my sorry ass.
Anyways, the airwaves have been absolutely saturated with this ad. I can't even look at it. Gone are the days of "The Cigarette Mash," I guess.
But the campaign is totally working because I'll be damned if I ever touch another cigarette. Not that I'm much of a smoker anyway but what that man has to do with a Q-tip has scared me straight, yo.
I feel like I'm under assault lately with the gross ads. There's this one for squeezable mayonnaise that is just horrendous, what with all that jar-scraping and white slime squeezing. At the first sign of this advert, I peform the following in this order: 1) clasp my hand over my eyes; 2) blindly change the channel; 3) crawl into a fetal position; and 4) gag uncontrollably.
ACK! I'm so going to hurl right now. Say, I wonder if I have a strong enough case to sue Hellmann's for mental anguish?
Update: Which commercial do you think is really gnarly? Cast your vote!
So, did I take advantage of the indoor time to clean my apartment, shred some junk mail or tackle the towering pile of laundry bursting out of my hamper? Fuck no. I'm in the midst of full-blown lazy Saturday.
It's almost 6:30pm and I'm still in my Curious George capri-length pajama bottoms and a t-shirt. I am the picture of sloth. I've been lounging on my couch watching TV all day with no regrets whatsoever. In fact, I just watched Ice Princess. And I'm not the least bit ashamed. Well, I am a little bit. However, I adhere to the following formula:
Bad weather + weekend afternoon ÷ cheesy movie X 1 movie on IFC/Sundance² = Freedom from guilt(In this equation, let Secrets & Lies represent the shame-saving variable.)
The only downside of prolonged TV viewing? I keep seeing that fucking commercial with the guy who has throat cancer and has a hole in his windpipe and talks through one of those... uh... what's the technical name for it? I only know the awful slang term for it: cancer kazoo. Terrible, I know. What's the right word for it? Please enlighten my sorry ass.
Anyways, the airwaves have been absolutely saturated with this ad. I can't even look at it. Gone are the days of "The Cigarette Mash," I guess.
But the campaign is totally working because I'll be damned if I ever touch another cigarette. Not that I'm much of a smoker anyway but what that man has to do with a Q-tip has scared me straight, yo.
I feel like I'm under assault lately with the gross ads. There's this one for squeezable mayonnaise that is just horrendous, what with all that jar-scraping and white slime squeezing. At the first sign of this advert, I peform the following in this order: 1) clasp my hand over my eyes; 2) blindly change the channel; 3) crawl into a fetal position; and 4) gag uncontrollably.
ACK! I'm so going to hurl right now. Say, I wonder if I have a strong enough case to sue Hellmann's for mental anguish?
Update: Which commercial do you think is really gnarly? Cast your vote!
Labels: movies, pop culture, television
posted by curly mcdimple @ 6:19 PM :: permalink :: ::
