how well do you know your ham & cheese on wry?

Who's up for a wee quiz? Why not test your knowledge of this here blog and increase my page views -- and ego -- in the process?!?! I'll start out with 20 questions. If there's a good response, maybe I'll do more. But that's up to you since y'all might not even give a crap. We'll soon find out, I guess.

Some of these are multiple choice. There are a few true/false scattered in there as well. Some might be obvious but there are quite a few tough ones, I admit. You might need to dig a little bit but keep in mind that there's a search box* in the right sidebar on all pages. Consider it a scavenger hunt... uh, a scavenger hunt with no real reward or incentive to complete. It's a good time-waster though! That I can promise you.

Ready?

1. Which condiment do I loathe?
(a) Mustard
(b) Ketchup
(c) Mayonnaise
(d) All of the above

2. True or False: I like stucco.

3. Where did I buy my bike?
(a) REI
(b) Modell's
(c) K-Mart
(d) Nowhere. I totally stole it from Lance Armstrong.

4. Which term did The Lovely Jess and I coin to describe a straight woman who is the platonic friend of a lesbian?
(a) Less-bian
(b) Rug rat
(c) Sapphony
(d) In denial

5. Which NY-1 personality do I think needs to be beaten?
(a) Pat Kiernan
(b) George Whipple
(c) Shelley Goldberg
(d) Gary Anthony Ramsay

6. True or False: I like Creed.

7. Who is my favorite Beatle?
(a) Ringo
(b) George
(c) Paul
(d) Dung

8. Where was I when a stranger sucked my toes?
(a) Nine West
(b) Central Park
(c) Fetish convention
(d) NYC subway

9. Which singer did I compare myself to (looks-wise) after perusing high-school era photos of myself in a family album?
(a) Corey Hart
(b) John Oates
(c) Englebert Humperdink
(d) Kenny Loggins

10. What television show inspired a precocious 8-year-old me to ask my flustered parents, "What's a virgin?"?
(a) The Facts of Life
(b) Family Ties
(c) Romper Room
(d) The Love Boat

11. What song did some kid in Prospect Park sing to me?
(a) "I Am Woman" by Helen Reddy
(b) "Thousand Miles" by Vanessa Carlton
(c) "Ten Little Monkeys Jumping on the Bed" by Unknown
(d) "You Can Do It (Put Your Ass Into It)" by Ice Cube

12. True or False: Someone found this site by Googling "comebacks for if someone calls you a freckle fart"

13. Which hirsute actor did I have an erotic dream about?
(a) Robin Williams
(b) Steve Carell
(c) Alec Baldwin
(d) Mr. Snuffleupagus

14. Which of the following cartoon characters did I call "a cunt"?
(a) Penelope Pitstop
(b) Alexandra from Josie & The Pussycats
(c) Betty Rubble
(d) Peppermint Patty

15. Which of the following cartoon characters did I call "a total douche bag"?
(a) Tom from Tom & Jerry
(b) Albert the Mouse from 'Twas the Night Before Christmas
(c) Mr. Slate from The Flintstones
(d) Elmer Fudd

16. Which of the following TV dads did I call "a bit of a buttinsky"?
(a) Tony Micelli from Who's the Boss?
(b) Jason Seaver from Growing Pains
(c) Steve Douglas from My Three Sons
(d) Charles Ingalls from Little House on the Prairie

17. Which of the following celebrities does NOT have bad breath according to me?
(a) Bill O'Reilly
(b) Frances Sternhagen
(c) Christopher Guest
(d) Jeff Goldblum

18. Which cereal did I magically produce from my pajamas one morning?
(a) Total
(b) Peanut Butter Cap'n Crunch
(c) Grape Nuts
(d) Cream of Wheat

19. Which brand of beer did I throw at a roach in my apartment?
(a) Rolling Rock
(b) Pete's Wicked Ale
(c) Leffe
(d) Brooklyn Lager

20. True or False: I had a childhood crush on Bobby Vinton.

Kindly put your answers in the comments. Thanks!

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* I changed some file names several months ago and Google is still returning some results with the old names. Translation: Error pages. If you view the Cached Snapshot of the error page, you'll see the original. Sorry for the inconvenience.