but i don't wanna inherit the wind

Because I had the temerity to tempt fate by recently exclaiming, "I've never been called for jury duty," guess what arrived in the mail yesterday?! Fucking A.

Actually, I received a summons when I lived in Manhattan, however, by the time the date rolled around, I had just signed a lease in Brooklyn and changed my address. I was excused without question. I do believe I even clicked my heels when I left the courthouse.

I guess I can take solace in the fact that after four years of residency in Kings County, the acquisition of a NY state driver's license and a change of address submitted to the board of elections, they only NOW got their hooks into me.

Oh who am I kidding? That's weak. This blows.

I hope I don't get picked. I know that attitude is awful and you know, not civic-minded and stuff but I don't really think I'll make for a good juror. Hell, I can't follow along with a single case on The People's Court, never mind a whole episode. How am I supposed to pay attention in real life?

And, furthermore, when I did watch The People's Court, I based my decisions on purely superficial factors. It didn't matter if the plaintiff or defendant had a solid case. If either one of them had bad teeth, they were guilty in the court of my shallow opinion. When Wapner was in charge, I favored the person who didn't wuss out when he got all cranky on their asses.

My criteria for conviction is shockingly haughty. Sporting shoulder pads, are you? Well, pay up. Crunchy bangs? Tell your sob story to Doug Llewelyn out in the hallway, toots. OMG, did you just do un-ironic finger quotes? To prison with you!

See? I'm hardly qualified to decide someone's fate! Fingers crossed that the lawyers deem me reprehensible and totally irresponsible! Shouldn't be hard.