karrrrrrrrrrrate chop!

I went to my introductory karate lesson last night and I really liked it! In fact, I'm going back later in the week to take my first real class.

I can't wait to get my gi so that when I punch and kick, it makes that crisp snapping sound like my instructor's did. The capri-length track pants and t-shirt I was sporting last night didn't make a satisfying noise whatsoever. I too want to make that cool flapping sound.

I know it's going to be a challenging regimen and will totally kick my ass but I need it. I'm up to the task. Dude, I did push-ups and crunches. And!!! I didn't suck wind afterwards!

And the most shocking thing of all!! Are you ready? I didn't freak out in the locker room when I got a load of some chick holding a very long conversation right near my locker... sans shirt and bra! Her boobs were gesticulating right along with the rest of her. That's precisely the sort of thing that would normally send me into a grossed-out tailspin but I calmly blocked out the bouncing titties, packed up my gear and vacated the premises.

Now, I usually loves me some boobies but I really don't care to see them in the women's locker room. Of course there's going to be the inevitable and totally understandable flash of nip. That's fine. However, talking about the pot roast you cooked last night while your girls are wobbling to and fro is just NOT necessary.

Oh and while I have the floor, I might as well tackle another touchy related issue. Lest any of you straight girls ever wonder if us dykes are leering at you pre- and post-workout, allow me to definitively state for the record that uh no, we're not. I want an eyeful of your sweaty cooter about as much as I want a yeast infection and a concurrent case of The Clap. Don't flatter yourselves, bitches.

While there may be a lesbo or two who welcomes the chance to size up some jugs wherever and whenever possible, I think I speak for most when I say... cover that shit up!

In fact, might I direct your attention to a brilliant article written by The Lovely Jess on this very subject? The piece is tres informative and should be tacked up on gym bulletin boards the world over, if you ask moi.

Locker room etiquette... learn it! Or else I'll consider your nudity an act of aggression and break your nose with the new technique I just learned.