it's an epidemic!

I've always envied Jess because she truly has the best celebrity spottings ever. Even her lovely grandmother is impressed with her roster. Jess counts Ice-T, Rick Ocasek, Meryl Streep and... drumroll please... Crispin Glover!!!! among them. Me? I saw the dude who played Joe Isuzu near the Ziegfeld once. And John Shea, the low-key-yet-talented-character-actor-who-does-not-make-for-all-that-exciting-a-
celebrity-sighting over by The Plaza one night. Oh and I once saw that guy who plays Justin on Queer As Folk on the 6 train. I looked over at him and he looked over at me and tossed his hair but that was the extent of our encounter. I then went about the rest of the ride thinking, "Dude, I've seen you naked."

But other than that, my pickings have been rather slim and uneventful. However, I find myself on somewhat of a roll these days. Last night, I accompanied Sheila to her friend's spectacular one-woman show called Hamiltonia at the Upright Citizens Brigade. I congested myself from laughter, people. In case there's any doubt, that's a good thing. Nothing a little toke on the puffer and some decongestant can't fix. The show was funny, touching and totally inspirational for me. I'm SO going to get off my duff and get back to work on some stalled projects of mine. Thank you for the oomph, Rachel Hamilton.

As we milled about in front of the theater to pay homage to Rachel afterwards, who walked out of the entrance and stood near me but one TINA FUCKING FEY?!?! I thought I was going to die. I'm a fan, you see. I turned on my heel and gasped right in Sheila's face. Tina must have noticed because she offered up a genuine smile and a hello. I'm thinking she wanted to keep me on her good side lest I be insane with designs on murdering her and keeping her hide as a souvenir. My life was made in that moment.

Oh, but there was more! When Rachel emerged, she graciously made the rounds and chatted with the various groups of people offering ecstatic praise and adulation. She served as the shared subset in a very social Venn Diagram. She would split her time between Sheila and I in Set A, TINA FUCKING FEY and RACHEL FUCKING DRATCH in Set B and various other sets. And then Sets A and B converged into one sweet circle. Dude, I have a whole new appreciation for contemporary math. When TINA FUCKING FEY stuck out her hand and shook mine and said, "Hello, Curly," I think I peed a little.

Oh, but there's even more! We went out for drinks!! Well, TINA FUCKING FEY didn't but Rachel the Star of the Evening, RACHEL FUCKING DRATCH, Sheila, myself and a gang of others all engaged in some celebratory post-show libations. Dude, I was in RACHEL FUCKING DRATCH's entourage. She was like a wee pink-clad pied piper leading us through Chelsea to our desired watering hole. All the while people kept pointing and saying, "That's Rachel Dratch!" and I felt so fucking cool and did my best to emit that aloof, unaffected vibe. Meanwhile, my bladder was becoming increasingly overtaxed with all the excitement.

I am pleased to report that RACHEL FUCKING DRATCH is totally chill and couldn't have been friendlier to me. In addition, I met a bunch of other friends of Rachel the Star of the Evening who were equally kick ass. I had an amazing time. Thanks again, Sheila!

I'm seriously still buzzing from last night and barely did a stitch of work today. Luckily, we were released early because of the holiday. I bolted from the office as soon as possible and headed towards home so that I could get caught up with some shopping and what not. I was approaching my front door when I spotted yet another famous face!!! Um, yeah, Steve Schirripa aka Bobby "Bacala" Baccalieri of The Sopranos is doing some shopping in my neighborhood too. Nice!

I'm still no match for Jess and her unparalleled celebrity-attracting aura but I no longer feel as lame. Well, in this respect at least...