adam sandler doesn't dice my onions

Jess: OMG, I love the last line of this Gawker Stalker... "This past Saturday (5/21) on West 25th Street -- Jared Leto, not so tall and with a very short buzz cut, hanging out in front of the recording studio next to friends' gallery. Walked by him several times during the afternoon -- he and his 'band' were taking frequent smoking breaks -- and he looked my friend straight in the eyes in that 'you KNOW who I am, don't you' kind of arrogant way. He didn't grill my cheese at all."

Yours Truly: Grill my cheese! Ha ha ha!

Jess: I am stealing that phrase

Later...

Jess: From Adam Sandler's Fame Audit... "He may be in the $25 million club, but we liked him much better when he had a pickle for a moustache."

YT: Blech! I hate him

Jess: I love Fametracker so much. Oh man, they're ripping on The Wedding Singer, specifically on Drew... "All of which, by the way, were dressed and coiffed totally anachronistically. I mean, everyone in that stupid movie committed to looking ridiculous per the '80s setting except Princess Daisy, with her bob and her combat boots. There was no grunge in the '80s, bitch, and I don't care that she didn't realize it because she spent that decade totally shitfaced; someone should have taken her out back and given her a mullet, because if there has to be photographic evidence that I had one, she should not be spared."

Jess: Awesome

YT: Ha ha ha ha ha. That is awesome! God, I hated that piece of crap movie

Jess: I liked it

YT: No need to whisper. You and millions of others liked it. I'm one of the few holdouts. It had potential but Adam Sandler pissed it away with his broad comedy and lack of attention to detail. He's an ass and I wish he'd go away. In fact, I'd like to take him and Rosie O and crack both their skulls together and then ship them off on a piece of drift wood into shark-infested waters. But first, I'd bathe them in chum

Jess: But but... Punch Drunk Love?

YT: Didn't see it

Jess: But but... Billy Madison?

YT: I HATE BILLY MADISON

Jess: But but... 50 First Dates?

YT: Are you serious? Rob schneider AND Adam Sandler together?! Girl, are you trying to give me an aneurysm?

Jess: Rob Schneider?

YT: Dude, if you say The Hot Chick I'm never speaking to you again

Jess: BUT BUT... DEUCE BIGALOW

YT: Didn't see it

Jess: Deuce Bigalow is genius... Actually, I'm pretty sure The Roommate and I are the only two people that liked Deuce Bigalow

YT: I was more in the Chris Farley camp. Tommy Boy makes me incontinent

Jess: See? Chris Farley never really grilled my cheese

YT: Well done!!

Jess:

YT: Ooh, let's think of other cooking-related euphemisms for liking something

YT: Toast my muffin

YT: Pickle my cucumber

YT: Egg and bread my cutlets

Jess: Mash my potato

YT: Julienne my carrots

Jess: Scramble my egg

Jess: That sounds dirty

YT: Poach my egg sounds worse

Jess: And poach my salmon even worse

YT: Agreed!

YT: Season my potroast

YT: Adobo my chicken

Jess: Fold my crepes

YT: Roast my chestnuts

Jess: Flip my pancakes

YT: Press my waffle

Jess: Core my apple

YT: Gently fold my flour, baking soda and sugar mixture

YT: We really need to keep a list of these

Jess: Totally