panned

I signed on to AOL this morning and one particular Welcome Screen promotion immediately caught my eye:

I clicked on the Five-Flirty-but-Fun Gifts under $50 link in the hopes of getting some ideas for a possible Valentine's Day gift for the Dating Prospect. Now, mind you, I detest Valentine's Day but I'm not sure that the Dating Prospect does so I'm adhering to the Cover Your Ass (CYA) policy just in case. We've been seeing each other for about a month and I'm not quite sure where we stand but I think a "fun-but-flirty gift" is appropriate at this juncture. I followed the link and found the following recommendations:

Romantic Gifts
1. Britney Spears Curious
2. Mini Pancake Pans
3. Red Leather Photo Album
4. Valentine Tote Bag
5. Jewelry Box

Let's go through this list, shall we? While I wouldn't want my woman stanking like Ms. Federline, I see nothing wrong with a gift o' perfume. A jewelry box is a nice idea too. I'm not crazy about the photo album or tote bag ideas but they're well meaning, I guess. All in all, these suggestions ain't too shabby.

Now let's focus our attention on Number Two (very fitting in this case)... Mini Pancake Pans. WTF?!?! That is their idea of a romantic gift?! Now I realize we lesbians can be overly harsh critics since we have pretty much cornered the thoughtful romantic gifts market what with our tendency to write sappy poetry and mushy songs but this, by any standard, is a fucking piss-poor gift.

Can't you just picture the scene? "I realize I haven't known you all that long but I really like you and I thought the best way to illustrate this was through the gift of cast-iron non-stick pans. Now go make me a heart-shaped short stack and make it snappy." It just screams romance, don't it?