a few notes from the past week...
To the scary-looking dude on the subway selling "Milk chocolate! Straight from Pennsylvania!": Technically, Hershey's chocolate is from the Keystone State but methinks you stole your stash from Duane Reade. Please don't act like you braved Route 80 (or whatever highway goes to Hershey, PA) to get it. I'm onto you, man. You don't fool me.
To the person in my office who think it's okay to nuke fish in the microwave: It's not. I don't think there's ever a good time to smell irradiated flounder, but it's particularly trying while at work. So knock it off. Right now.
To Ivana from The Apprentice: I caught your little act on the Today show this morning explaining that "fatigue" made you drop your drawers to sell M&Ms. Ivana, today you achieved the impossible -- you made me hate you more than I already do. I thought I had a threshold for such bitter contempt but apparently, I don't. So congrats! At least you accomplished something during your tenure.
To my darling 4-year-old niece: While I think it's adorable -- and very health-conscious -- that you sing, "I like steamy chicken," the actual words to the Applebee's jingle are "I like steak and chicken..." Kindly stop correcting everyone.
To George Steinbrenner and Brian Cashman: If you don't tear up Jason Giambi's contract immediately, I'm going to tear you both a new asshole, assholes!! Bring back, Tino. NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!
To the person in my office who think it's okay to nuke fish in the microwave: It's not. I don't think there's ever a good time to smell irradiated flounder, but it's particularly trying while at work. So knock it off. Right now.
To Ivana from The Apprentice: I caught your little act on the Today show this morning explaining that "fatigue" made you drop your drawers to sell M&Ms. Ivana, today you achieved the impossible -- you made me hate you more than I already do. I thought I had a threshold for such bitter contempt but apparently, I don't. So congrats! At least you accomplished something during your tenure.
To my darling 4-year-old niece: While I think it's adorable -- and very health-conscious -- that you sing, "I like steamy chicken," the actual words to the Applebee's jingle are "I like steak and chicken..." Kindly stop correcting everyone.
To George Steinbrenner and Brian Cashman: If you don't tear up Jason Giambi's contract immediately, I'm going to tear you both a new asshole, assholes!! Bring back, Tino. NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!
posted by curly mcdimple @ 1:02 PM :: permalink :: ::
