on friendship

I received a forwarded email from my friend Christina today (the owner of the lunatic cat who held me hostage). When Christina forwards something, I can usually be sure it's not one of those so-sappy-I-could-die email things that I vehemently despise. So I was a little concerned when I saw an email from her with the subject line: "FW: Friendship." But I should have known not to doubt my faith in my dear friend...

>> Are you tired of all those sissy "Friendship" poems that always sound good, but never actually come close to reality? Well, here is a series of promises that really speaks to true friendship:

When you are sad -
I will help get you drunk and plot revenge against the sorry bastard who made you sad.

When you are blue -
I will try to dislodge whatever is choking you.

When you smile -
I will know you finally got laid.

When you are worried -
I will tell you horrible stories about how much worse it could be and to quit whining.

When you are confused -
I will use little words.

When you are sick -
Stay the hell away from me until you are well again. I don't want whatever you have.

When you fall -
I will point and laugh at your clumsy ass -- then help you up.

This is my oath ... I pledge it till the end. Why? You may ask. Because you are my friend.

Send this to 10 of your closest friends, then get depressed because you can only think of two and one of them isn't speaking to you right now anyway.

Remember: A good friend will help you move. A really good friend will help you move a body. <<