when people STOP being polite...

Dear MTV Casting Department,

While I'm always sad to say goodbye to the end of a good weekend, the cruel re-entry into the work week is cushioned ever so slightly by your network's airings of Road Rules and the Real World on Mondays and Tuesdays. I had a long day at work and a rain-drenched commute home tonight but I trudged through the puddles content in the knowledge that I would soon curl up on the couch with a Hefeweizen and the latest installment of Real World: Philadelphia.

And I'm not ashamed in the least. I adore this program. Actually, I'm not all that invested in the current season yet because it's only like the third episode but I'll be pigeon-holing the insecure chicks who seek validation through sex, the resident racist/homophobe, the male slut, etc. soon enough. But for now, I'll reserve judgment and commentary until about the fourth or fifth show.

During tonight's episode, I saw a commercial for Real World/Road Rules Challenge: Battle of the Sexes 2 and my heart actually fluttered. However, my euphoria was sadly short-lived. I was mid-clap when I saw it... the visages of Coral and The Miz. And then like a bad dream, Eric Nies and Mark-whose-other-claim-to-fame-was-the-occasional-painful-appearance-on-the-ill-fated-
Donnie & Marie-talk-show were there too. You guys obviously didn't get my earlier memo so I'll break it down for you... KEEP THESE ASSWIPES AT HOME! Seriously, at this point, I'm embarrassed for them.

Don't they have anything better to do? Why don't they step aside and make way for the likes of Dominic and Aaron from the Los Angeles cast? Oh wait that's right, Dom and Aaron won't participate because they engage in age-appropriate activities and have actual careers. How silly of me!

But if you'll continue to indulge me for a sec while I play this game of pretend casting director, I wouldn't mind seeing that spunky Julie from the original New York outing make a return. I'm so sick of the current crop that I'd even settle for, God help me, bland Melissa with the rotten attitude and that skateboarding Marge Gunderson sound-alike both from the really crappy Miami season.

MTV powers-that-be, look what you're reducing me to! Have a heart! I beseech thee to take the following list of people I'd like to see LESS of under advisement:

:: Mike, Coral, Eric and Mark, natch

:: Buck-Toothed Melissa

:: Crazy Mormon Julie Who Also Has Buck Teeth

:: Not-the-Lesbian Beth from L.A.

:: The Lesbian Beth from L.A.

:: Holly with the Chronic Greasy Face

:: Slutty Veronica

:: Shane the Gay Dude Who Kisses Too Many Women for My Liking

:: Diarrhea-of-the-Mouth Theo

:: Tonya with the Kidney Stones and Fake Boobs

:: Chain-Smoking Foul-Mouthed Ever-Put-Upon Rally-Killer Katie

:: Trishelle the Train Wreck Whose Appeal I Really Don't Get and I'm a Dyke, for Fuck's Sake

I mean, I'll still watch and stuff but just know that if you continue casting in this fashion, I'll be forced to shake my fist and bark at the television... and then write angsty borderline-insane overly-hyphenated blog entries about it. And you'll be accountable.

Cordially... but not for long,
Curly McDimple