bring it on

While most people are heading out of town next week, I will be here when the Republican convention is in full swing. Since this will alter my commute and make my life hellish Monday through Thursday, I plan to get in a few good licks by taking part in the United for Peace and Justice march on Sunday. I'm really looking forward to being a rowdy activist for the day. I may hippie it up and even wear a 'do rag. "Kumbaya" and "We Shall Overcome" are not on the agenda though.

I'm annoyed that I won't be able to attend the March for Women's Lives on Saturday. Alas, I will be in New Jersey giving the death glare to the cheapies who will darken my parents' garage doorway. Oh yes, they are having a yard sale and I've been asked to help. I've managed to reduce my role to pricing, set up and clean up as I do not have the customer service skills to deal with the certain breed of people who frequent garage sales. I'm sure at some point I'll get sucked into an exchange that will culminate in me being livid and practically throwing the item in question at the buyer. The parents have been warned that they may lose potential sales because I cannot abide this nickel-and-diming mentality.

You know I originally thought I could potentially be in for some legal trouble on Sunday but I just realized that I have a better chance of getting arrested on Saturday. I can see it now...

Garage Sale Patron Assaulted

A man looking to save a few bucks got more than he bargained for at a local yard sale. According to eyewitnesses, the victim was haggling over the price of a clock radio when the seller, identified as Curly McDimple, flew into a rage. "One minute he was offering to pay 25 cents and the next, the lady had him in a headlock and said, 'How 'bout I mark down your a--, b----?' as she punched his face," said one onlooker who wished to remain anonymous. McDimple allegedly hit and kicked the victim repeatedly. The victim is listed in stable condition but doctors say it will be difficult to remove the perpetrator's shoe from his anus. Charges are expected pending a complete investigation.

Alleged garage sale assaulter, Curly McDimple