tell it like it is

In addition to viewing hundreds of images of cute and scary babies at my day job, I also sort through gorgeous photography of redecorated homes, well-kept gardens, delicious-looking food, etc. I've worked for several publications in the women's service field throughout my career and the art direction and set decoration in the photo shoots is always the same -- completely unrealistic. Most of the "after" rooms are absolutely stunning and sometimes, surprisingly affordable. But mostly, the stuff is out of reach for the average person. I have no beef with that because I think it's the function of these magazines to try to incite and inspire readers to create lush, luxurious surroundings. What really rings false with me are the little details added to create "authenticity."

A major trend in home improvement is either painting a wall with chalkboard paint or hanging up a large -- yet not unsightly -- blackboard/message board in the kitchen. To give the room that lived-in look, children's artwork is tacked up with state-of-the art fastening devices (God forbid anyone use Scotch tape!) and the mandatory half-finished game of tic-tac-toe is drawn on the chalkboard in addition to reminders and notes composed in perfect, legible cursive writing. But what really gets me is the shopping list. Today's photo assignment revealed that the residents in this particular home are in desperate need of the following:

:: Basil

:: Ginger

:: Lemon

I have all three ingredients in my home as we speak so it's not an altogether outlandish and highfalutin rundown. But, really, is that ALL they need? Just once I'd like to see a REAL itemized list that's hastily written and includes some things that most of have used or will need at some point in our lives:

:: Canned ham

:: Toilet paper (quilted, none of that scratchy stuff)

:: Squeeze cheese

:: Heavy-flow tampons

:: Beano

The notes on these boards are equally white-washed: "Pick up So-and-So at soccer practice at 4:00!" or "Charity Ball at 8pm." Again, just once, I'd like to see something along the lines of "Remember to call doctor about that persistent itch," or "Con Edison's Service Reconnection-after-Non-Payment Hotline -- 800-75-CONED."

I don't ask for much -- just a dash of realism to accompany my "oohs" and "ahhs."